I want to wake up to your face every morning

Until then, I'll just write about you =)

Update...4realz...OMG You have no Idea!!!
Not the usual update..you'll see...
I'll only include the guys in my life right now...

B - Still in Seattle...omg!  He's killing me!  Weird stuff going on with him.  He's living with his old bf while he's taking care of his business with the courts.  No more house arrest, but I know he' back to drinking =(  His old bf freaked out because of a text I sent him telling him I missed and Loved him...wtf?  I can't stand jealous people, and people who don't understand that it's okay to Love your friends and tell them.  Anyways, our road trip is coming along fine.  Looks like Las Vegas and San Francisco...definitely doing to be a blast!

Punk - He finally broke up with his back stabbing bf finally!!!  I told him he was a dick for leaving me hanging like that when I told him was an idiot (in not such harsh words) for staying with that cheating bastard!  But all is forgiven and he's making it up to me. He still needs to treat for drinks next time out too...HA!
Speak of the devil...he just started texting me right now...haha

Pilot - He's getting a little distant but I have new guys to occupy my time with.  He's been so aloof lately, but he's entitled.  School and work always kill him especially towards finals etc.  It also looks like he might not come visit this summer like we were thinking. =(

Driver - We are going to hang out tonight.  He took it real hard when I told him that I could never see him and I as a couple (sound familiar right).  He's dealing okay I guess, but it still feels weird because of the texts he sends me sometimes, but I do my best to be and do the right thing with him.  But today I realized that something is still off...I need to put my finger on it, but something bothers me about our friendship even.


Smiles - Just a beautiful guy inside and outside.  He's young (too young), but he's got passion.  He's so honest and cool.  He doesn't speak much but what he says always makes sense.  He already knows what he wants out of life and for his future.  He does have his moments though where he's just a retard =)  He's always fun to be around and when we kiss, it's amazing!  He kisses me exactly how I want to be kissed!  He dresses real good, has a great collection of shoes and his hair always looks so good...MMMmmmm.

Happy Pants - Love this guy with all my heart!  He is so amazing as a human being it boggles me sometimes.  He is already considered to be one of my best friends and one of my closest as well.  He told me last week that he hasn't been so close to anyone like me in a while =)  It was weird...we met online and went out that same night to a movie.  It felt that safe and right....when we were waiting for the movie we just talked an talked like we've known each other for years.  As with all my friends, we hang out once a week...sometimes more (60 miles apart so we take turns).  He gives Authentic a good run for his money in the amazing heart and compassion category...actually to be honest, he outshines us both.  So effn cute too...omg!  I need not so cute friends...but in my defense his online pic was bleh.

Authentic - The man that my dreams are all about...
Well, on April 16th or actually the 17th we shared/had intimacy in the most intimate ways possible.
I took him to the mountains for the night, we shared a lot of talk and opened up more to each other.  We went to bed and of course I wanted to hold him as we did on Valentine's Day.  Well after a few minutes there was movement and Authentic made a move and the rest was awwwwwsummmm!!! <3 <3 <3

We are not a couple...he still doesn't want a relationship with me or anyone for that matter but we are closer than we've ever been.  The only downside is that I miss him more during the week.  But we hang out like crazy even though work and school is challenging for both of us.  We used to hang out about 3-4 times a month...now we hang out about eight times a month or more.  We don't always have sex, but we show lots of affection and he sends me the cutest texts sometimes =)  Btw...yeah, I am very grounded even though this intimacy is amazing!!!

I am starting a new poem for him...all I have is this...
It was inspired by our Astronomy hobby...we just found out that in our galaxy alone, we have about 500 billion stars!!!

When I look up to the stars
That's how much I Love you!

Thanks for reading...


iTunes sez 634 plays + car + at work = about 1200 plays in 2 months
I cannot stop playing this song at home, in my car and at work...

"The way you look at me
the way you touch me
the fire in your eyes...
I swear it makes me shiver inside
there's nothing I can do about it...

'Cause nothing seems so true
when I'm beside you
Am I dreaming of it...oh just hold my hand...
Naked...perfect...so beautiful...

You turn me up and down
I'm spinning 'round and 'round
you never get enough baby don't you're a shining star...

The way you look at me...

You're my soul mate, my summer and my faith
you fill me up with Love, your kisses are better than wine
There's nothing I want more than you girl..."

Random stuff yeah...

1. James...I have always Loved my name, but Love being called Jim or Jimmy most!

2. I always capitalize the word Love because it's that important, it's my favorite word!

3. I got caught in a rip tide when I was about 8 and almost died at the beach in Long Beach, CA.

4. I definitely have OCD, and some ADHD, but I deal pretty good.

5. Broken finger (football), broken leg (horsing around), busted knee (snowboarding), other knee (football), only had stitches once...cutting tile for my gramms...I almost fainted because of all the blood. Never busted anything playing baseball or dirt bike riding, or skateboarding.

6. My favorite TV show is "The Amazing Race". I want to try out with Authentic maybe next year..I guess I should ask him huh?

7. I used to hustle candy, fireworks and porn as a kid for cash.

8. When I was 12, I got lost at Catalina Island, freaked for like 3 mins and then said..."Damn, who's that girl". LOL But then yeah, my family found me. =(

9. I am weird about music...some songs I've never shared with anyone till this past year. Not that they are mine, but very personal to me. I Love music!!!

10. I was born Latin & German, but I'm now part Asian, no particular ethnicity, but yeah.

11. I would give up a week of my life if I could play as kids with a few of my best friends for one day.

12. I used to go "ghost" hunting with my old bf, we had tons of fun and great experiences.

13. I had sex for the first time while in 6th grade. We didn't know what were doing but it was hawt!

14. I used to repossess cars for like 6 months...Awwsummm times!

15. I'm in Love with my best friend, and we're cool like that!!!

Tags: , ,

Taking stock...
I'm in Love with my best friend...best/hardest thing in my life...doing my best to keep separate; my Love from my being in Love with him.

What's on the plate?

B, finally got out of jail yesterday...happy as all heck!  He'll be in Seattle for almost 2 more months (house arrest), then back home (Cali) for a couple months before he heads off to Hong Kong =(  At least we have a road trip in the works =)  I'm going to Love spending some quality time with him.  We always have fun, but road trips add so much to a friendship, and we're very close as it is...can't wait!
WOW...he just called me as I'm writing this...Love him to death!!!

Punk...we'll that hot mess is on the DL...I guess he got pissed at me last time we hung out and I told him that he shouldn't still be with his two-timing bf.  He deserves more, he deserves better...well, whatev...I'm sure he'll call or text me back when he's ready.

Rocker - He's still writing good music, now also has a bf, so I'm happy for him.  Such a good guy...he deserves someone.  I haven't met the new bf, but we'll have lunch soon I'm sure =)  I cant wait to see the final of his new cd...he still calls me and sings his new songs to me from home, at practice or in the studio...he cracks me up...lol

Jock - Damn, such a hottie...he now has a gf but whatever...I saw a pic of her last time we hung out, she is really pretty I'll admit.  Damn, I know we weren't relationship compatible, but damn, maybe in a few years.  So I'll let her keep him occupied till he's ready...lol j/k

Driver - Sweetheart but next time we hang out, I'm going to level with him.  He's just not that guy.  We'll remain friends, but I know that he's just not the one.  He's too selfish for my taste.  I am selfish about things (my time mostly) but I am VERY selfless in every other way.  But I notice that he wants what he wants...to have me, but he doesn't consider what I need or what's good for me.  He always looks at things from and for his perspective.  He wants good for me, but he's blind.  Not looking forward to it, but it has to be done.

Who's new and worth writing about...hmmmm?

Pilot - We had a great time when I went up to SF...what time we were able to have considering the weather and his schedule.  School and work are kicking his ass so bad right now.  Won't be able to see him till May when he's on break.  I can't even go up for a day trip because his days off work are filled with school and HW.  But well see.

Dancer - Oh what a great guy...great heart!  Very compassionate, Loving and sweet!  We like each other, but I don't think he's mature enough yet...I know he's not mature enough yet!  But damn...very sexy.  When I think about him, I do smile, but I know he needs a few more years.  Can't wait to hang out with him again...we had so much fun last time.  But I have to remember to chill on the Sangrias...damn.

Scholar - New and exciting...and he's a smarty pants.  Environmental Science is his gig and he downplays his smartiness but humble is good =)  Another hard at work guy with so much on his plate.  But we text, chat and phone whenever we can.  I Love how he sends random texts from class or the library...so funny.  We set like an hour or so to talk, but it always goes longer...I do apologize, but it's just never enough time.

River - New and interesting.  He says he's shy, but he doesn't act like it sometimes.  I like him because he's good, asks great questions, and is very attentive.  He tries to come up with new things to do when we hang out...like I do with Authentic...man the two of us (Authnentic & I) are a fierce combination.  Okay, back to River...only drawback is I think he's too young also.  He thinks smart, but not in all areas when it comes to dating and relating.  Still good to have as a friend either way =)

Karate Kid - Wow, this guy is really cool...Tae Quon Do Black belt and wrestler...amazing face and body...omg!  We're fairly new to each other (just under a month) but we get along great!  It crazy how much texting, xbox, and phone calling we get in despite our schedules...but we seem to find it!  I like how he is, he's bold, he's a take charge kinda guy.  In most of my friendships, I am that guy and I Love being that guy.  But with him, it's pretty cool.  As much as I want friends as a start from the beginning of anything...he makes no apologies in his approach with me.  He definitely wants more.  This is going to be interesting =)

I am going to stop looking for the one or new friends for that matter.  I need to focus on being better, being more Loving and finding my happiness in that Love, in a way that I haven't before. School is so important, going back to astronomy as a hobby (actually I got Authentic into it also), I need to get back to studying Love (I've been obsessed since 7), I need to read more from the Dalai Lama, read more from/about Gandhi, and finish that book by Pope Benedict.


The most amazing thing ever!!!
I realized something great on 02/15/2010...

The most amazing moment in my life happened after Authentic and I woke up...
We were holding each other all night...woke up and continued holding each other, caressing, pecking and just looking into each others eyes...

I realized what it is like to look into someone else's eyes and actually see and feel them looking back into yours with 100% true Love.

I am the luckiest man in the world!

Okay...I have to get this out so I stop adding things...
Valentine's Day...final...

10am:  I dunno if I posted about the slides before but...there are these huge (like 25-30 feet) slides where I used to work that we would go to on break on Fridays...fun times.  We use wax paper and go really super fast!!

I am taking Authentic there as our first stop =)

Then I'll take him back home because he has to be with his family for Chinese New Year.  (He's Chinese, Viet and Cambodian)

1:00pm Pick him up and go to our room to check in...glass of champagne when we get there (Amore package)

Get ready for stop number 2 - LA county Museum of Art.  They are having a Renoir exhibit starting the 14th, how appropriate huh?

Back to our room and get dressed for dinner.

5:00pm Head out to dinner at this nice restaurant on the water (beach).  Glad we live in California =)  On the way we'll stop at the pier because the sun will set at 5:36pm on V-Day

6:30pm Reservations/Dinner - During this time, my sis is going to take the flower arrangement (Beautiful Orchids...his favorite)  Hide his present and bring the "Love" kit I made.

Off to our spot...this nice hill overlooking the ocean...where I'll give him his new poem/talk etc...

Back to our room!!!

While he takes a shower, I'll set up a small alter with things like the 1st CD he made for me, a rock from our Sedona trip, the sketch from the butterfly poem I made for him and pictures of us.  Light candles that we made two weeks ago,and  put on all he music we've shared with each other since we met.

Oh yeah, ever hour or so I have small cards in envelopes (like 3x3.5) that have things on them I wrote of why I Love him and things I Love about him that I will give to him to open. On the back of these cards will be pieces of a "word puzzle" that he has to solve to find out where his present is hidden in the room.

This is his present...I Love it so much...it's called Love Bear it's a ceramic beauty about 6 inches tall.

Also...every stop has a song for it to tease him...they are all cool songs of Love, not oozy stuff but nice Indie Love songs.
Like the first one is "What I wouldn't do"...the first line is "If we were children, I would bake you a mud pie, warm and brown beneath the sun"  So I'm not going to do that but playing on the slides will bring out the children in both of us =)

Then we'll get into the yab yum position, center ourselves, breathing, gazing...then offer him a foot massage...then on to a full body massage.  While I do that, I will whisper the things on the cards and some more of why and things I Love about him.

Tonight, I'm going to go for it!!! We are just one ingredient away from being fully intimate...we've held hands, our hugs good night are amazing and longer, we've held each other as we've slept, kissed on the cheek...it's time for full on kissing =)

Then go to sleep in each other arms again =)

I hope you all have a great Valentine's Day...single or not...for reals =)

Note to self - I was engaged to a beautiful girl (so young...omg), had a 10 year relationship with old bf, but I have never put so much thought or effort into a Valentine's day EVER!!!

Love you,


4th day of Valentne's...
I don't need you to be my everything; I just want you...to be okay being vulnerable with me, to feel my Love like you've never felt Love before...I just want to be your big bright!

1st day of Vaneltine's...
Some days I wonder how Love can be so amazing, then I look inside and see my heart wrapped around yours and understand why.


Bitter sweet night...
One of my best friends...B is going to jail tomorrow at 10:00am, right after a viewing of a very good friend who passed this past Monday.
A few years back B was intoxicated and ran into a parked unoccupied car.  Now he will be serving 60 days (22 hopefully and home monitoring for the remainder).  Seattle has tough laws, which is good...but this really sucks.  When he gets out, he will be back here in Cali for like one month.  I miss him so much...we hang out like two times a week, sometimes more.  But now that he's moving back to Hong Kong, it's going to be really hard.  At least when he gets back we're going to take a mini vacation together =)  And I am already planning to visit him for two weeks in November...and he'll visit here afterwards...man I love him so much!!!  Truly one of the best friends I've ever had in my life!!

The sweet part is planning me and Authentic's Valentine's day =)
I think I'm going to book it tomorrow and make it official.  I'm still not sure if we're going to boat or get a Helicopter ride out there.
Spend the day at Catalina Island, Dinner and then a Beatles cover band concert/dance (we both Love stuff from the Beatles), his favorite flowers (orchids) and well hold each other all night long as we sleep, after I give him another poem since I am writing again =)
I think we're finally going to kiss too...I feel it...
I'm going to try and write a poem with each sentence beginning with each of the letters that spell out...


It will be short, but I think I can make it count and make it special with few words...we'll see =)

Here is a pic of Catalina...


I Love this picture...
Me and Authentic had a great day!!! We saw a movie and then went to the observatory and had a great time...as usual =)

This is my favorite picture from our road trip...

A beautiful heart/soul/person looking at something beautiful...I'll see thousands of sunrises but there's only one YOU!!!



Log in