I want to wake up to your face every morning

Until then, I'll just write about you =)

Real update...
Wow...so my last real post was back in September...that night was so amazing!!!
A little bit after that night we were together and talking...I told him how much I loved him and that's when he told me that he could never see himself with me (as a couple) and that he just doesn't want to even think about a relationship for a few years at least with anyone!

So recap...I'll start with the guys first.  Some still around, lots came and went...still no one to get really excited about.
But B, Driver and Smiles, and Punk are always around...love my good friends =)

So, now on to Authentic!!!  The Love of my life!!!
So we hang out, go to movies, kick back here at my place, dvd night etc...love it.
We saw a musical...my first (Spring Awakening) and it was great!!  Never thought I'd see a musical and like it omg! We took my nephew along because they we all get along really good...even though he's only 14.
But that night I found myself attracted to Authentic...yeah...physically attracted.  I always thought he was cute, but I was more into his heart...I know gay huh?  But it is what it is.
I never did fall in Love with him, but I did fall in Love with his heart...but now, it was getting different because I was really falling for just about all of him.

I'm skipping a bunch of stuff but we had our first "fight" and it was cool =)  We did good and we learned from it.

We exchanged Christmas presents...great thoughtful gift...he got me a leather bound journal =)

We celebrated New Years together and he had lots of friends asking him to events and such...but we just watched a dvd, talked, had a few beers and shared a bottle of champagne together.

I invited him to my birthday dinner and he gifted me a beautiful pen to go with my new journal.  My mom still has issues with the whole gay thing but she knows how much I Love Authentic.  She really listened to what he had to say, she asked him questions and was genuinely interested in learning about him...it was so cute to see my mom like that.  Later I found out that when Authentic left, he gave her a hug and she kissed him on the cheek.  She didn't so that with my old bf until way afterwards.  She told me later that she liked Authentic and sad that she can see why I Love him like I do!!!

Skipping forward...we went on a Road Trip for my birthday about two weeks ago.  We wet to Arizona to go to Sedona (beautiful) and the Grand Canyon (amazing).  We went for three nights and four days.  A great experience!!!  We "had" to share a bed every night but we kept our distance...until the last night.  That night I asked if we could hold hands as we fell asleep...he sad yeah.  We held hands for 5 seconds, then he got closer and put his arm around me and we fell asleep switching who was holding who all night long.  I know he was attracted to me from the beginning and that night I "felt" it...lol  My arm was by my side one time and he rolled a little too close and "it" (hard as a rock) brushed my arm as he tried to bury it in the bed...HA!

We bonded a lot during that trip and we plain and simple had a great time!!
We put our initials in the snow at the Grand Canyon and he added the "+"

So then we get back on a Wednesday and I asked him to go with me to my Work Holiday Party (we did it in Jan so people could be available to go).  He sad yes...we had fun, we danced together and with friends.  He met some co-workers that know I am gay and that I Love him to death!!  There are lots of people wanting us to get together...lol

Okay, so here's the best part!!! After the dance we came to my place and watched Fantasic Mr. Fox (great movie)...and afterwards I asked him if he would be my Valentine.  I was hoping for  yes or a maybe, but I instantly got "I would Love to be your Valentine"!!!

I went on another vacation (San Francisco) and he picked me up from the airport last night.  We went to dinner and had a good time, and he asked if we could hang out this weekend and see a movie and whatever.  So this month we have been together so much it's like wow.  He always has friends and family to do things with (as do I) and we kind of always take turns being with Authentic, but he is noticeably making a real effort to make more time with me...especially since school starts next week...sigh.

His sisters, best friend and mom are really cool with me also...when we are together and they call his cell or if I pick him up to go out, they always make it a point to talk with me or tell him to tell me "hi" etc., and...it's almost like "our" worlds are coming together to make something happen...something great!!!

"We are Rainbowarroirs, evil come not near, rainbow Love awaits us, with hearts of Love and tears..."  CocoRosie



For the record and then some =)
Hey you...yeah you.

For the record...To everyone that I follow.
I read all your posts...I just kept away from commenting and posting. I didn't log on every day, but I eventually got to them...still reading this last batch of 200 or so posts before I'm caught up. Just so you know...

I know why I stopped posting.
I started writing on LJ because I love to write (mostly poetry, stories...anything about Love & friends actually). But lately, mostly about my life and the people I come across while looking for a great partner.
I enjoyed it because of the release. I enjoyed it because of Authentic. And I enjoyed it because of jp5040 .  And of course I enjoyed it because of my other LJ peeps.

But it all came down to writing about Authentic and how hard it is to Love someone so much, but also knowing that I wasn't the guy that could change his mind about a relationship.  To date...one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life.  I know some will say that I'm being silly, and I get that...I've been through unrequited Love before...no big deal, you move on.  It was harder because he does Love me back.

Authentic is not without flaws...I don't put or ever have put him on a pedestal.  I know better!  But I'll say it again...when I met him for the first time...after a month of mostly 4-5 hours long daily conversations...it was like meeting Love, face-to-face!!!  He is the most Loving, authentic, genuine person I have ever met in my life!!!

Just got back from a small vacation, got to work tomorrow...need sleep...will update tomorrow =)



Brand new year...
What a new year right?
Last year was such a great year!! I learned so much about life and about myself as a person. I grew in so many ways. I expect this year to be even better!!
Best to all!


Best moment of my life...

I gave Authentic his poem and he loved it.  He gave me a huge hug, then we sat on the floor with our backs resting on the couch...he leaned on me and I held him and stroked his hair.  He said thank you and that it was beautiful.

After the movie, we came home and ate real quick, then I took him to that not-so-little tree anymore, right along the beach, on that hill overlooking the ocean.  We sat on the bench and I cracked us each a beer, and we toasted to our night.  I told him that when I was a kid, my uncle would take me to the beach or swimming pool all the time, and I always saw couples under that tree, hugging, snuggling and kissing.  I told him how I said that one day I will have someone that special to take there.  And that little did I know, it would turn out to be a great friend.

I held his hand and told him that I couldn't see myself not writing about him or for him, and that my intentions are pure.  He told me that I am the most genuine person he's ever met, and he loves that, and that he cares for me a lot.  He also mentioned that he was touched by the beautiful words and that no one has ever written for him before.  He later said that it was a perfect ending to a great night!

Oh yeah, he introduced me to his family too, it was pretty cool, and I finally got to see his 1st nephew...Ethan.  So cute =)

I still find it extremely difficult to comprehend that this much Love could ever be possible...

We are both lucky to have met...I told him that I don't regret anything in my past (specifically relationships) because if it were not for millions of things happening, that that very moment together on that bench looking at the ocean together, sharing ourselves like we did, would not have been possible.  It's not coincidence, it's the world, it's energy forming pure Love between two simple people...very beautiful, lucky people.

I hope everyone finds or has found Love like I have.

With Love,


Butterfly revisited...

To Authentic, with unquenchable Love...

I had my favorite places to go,
where familiar scents beckoned
and delighted me to my fill.
Right was left, and one day I found a new blossom,
on a hill overlooking the beach
by that lovely little tree,
that lovers have carved up with hearts and promises.

Into the most inviting garden ever found,
oh you were blooming so bright and beautiful.
It was a garden of one, but I couldn’t tell…
because this blossom filled it’s space
with such big vibrant colors…
colors of life, colors of love,
true colors I had never seen.
This little blossom gave splendor and made brighter,
this fluttering butterfly
that’s been carved up by untrue hearts and broken promises
I give to you, and you give to me
so pure and magical it is…
My wings so bright, are brighter than ever
Your bloom so pretty, so prettier than ever
I only guess because I’ve never seen
such beautiful petals, so bright and clean.
I could envy that little tree that stands beside you,
luckily there for your every bloom.
But then again, I see so much
Just fluttering around, just all around.
Glimpse into my open heart,
the very moment I see the tips of your petals
as I float along this beach and up over this hill
just to know who you are to me.
I keep coming back, because I want more
not to take, but more to share.
The sharing that matches my wings to your petals
The kind of sharing that’s so much more…
than carved up hearts and promises



Simple thought...
I realized today in my writing that...

It's amazing what you see when you look at a person, just as another person, without pre-concepts, without notions...without blinders


I Love you Authentic...don't keep old "love", open yourself to true love, open up to me, for us...

I’ve gone through life a fluttering butterfly,
from flower to flower looking for a familiar scent.
Content as a baby in a mothers arms,
till the perfect one I found, on a lonely green meadow,
under that big old Oak tree.
You had enough sun to keep you happy,
blooming on cue to seasons past.
Happily happy, taking refuge under the shadows,
of that big old Oak tree.
I wanted a taste so indeed I took,
so sweet the taste the purest of nectars I had stumbled upon.
Out of my cocoon I came breaking through,
dancing to the warmth of flight, until now,
not knowing that landing was where my true bliss was found.
If I had my way I’d flap my wings to rid that tree of the leaves you so comfort.
If only to see the deep, vibrant colors of the petals that you hide,
when you’re not blooming, because of seasons past.
It’s too late for me now, I’ve already had a taste,
my wings so bright, are brighter than ever.
See through my eyes and open heart,
the natural beauty that stands before me,
and come out of those shadows that keep you hidden.
But I’m just a butterfly…a beautiful simple butterfly, fighting
that big old Oak tree that you comfort,
that’s more like a swarm of mites,
eating away at the petals that you hide, from seasons present.


I'll start out simple first...

Today was the best!!!

An hour after I got to work, my boss calls me out to a talk...my 90 day review since my promotion...I was just smiling.
"Jim, you are doing a great job etc, etc, you are doing a great job as lead etc, etc...so you're good, keep up the great work, and next pay period you'll get a dollar more per hour to boot"  Nice!!

Then I had plans with Driver today, just to hang out and have a drink and talk.  Damn he looked so friggin gorgeous tonight.  He came directly from school...nice jeans and a cool shirt, kinda baby blue, ah it looked so good on him =) and he just looked amazing.  Looks like he's moving also at the end of the month.  And we'll actually be closer to each other.

Met a new guy for the first time tonight, I'll call him "Smiles"...real nice guy, we just hung out and talked at a coffee bean...we have chatted for about a month now...real nice guy, going to school, works, good head on his shoulders...gorgeous smile.  Young though...21, but he does have a great level of maturity.  And he asks a lot of meaningful questions like Authentic does.  At first I told him I was done with younger guys, but he made me listen and glad I was open to what he had to say.  I think that I like that he's like me in that he's really simple...easy to talk to, a "want to get to know you" kinda guy.

Okay, here is the grand finale...I'm online with Authentic right now...his last class tonight ended at 9:45 tonight, we've been texting all day sort of, long gaps cause of class and me at work etc.  He knows I'm meeting Driver and Smiles today/tonight (damn right I let him know) and he asks if I'm going to be online tonight.  I tell him yeah when I get back home...So we're chatting, and out of nowhere he starts talking about intimacy...here it is:

ME (12:04:36 AM): sex is so unimportant to me right now
xxxxxxxxxxxxx (12:04:47 AM): i just miss the intimacy
ME (12:04:54 AM): that's what kills me
xxxxxxxxxxxxx (12:04:56 AM): more than anything
ME (12:05:10 AM): exactly!
ME (12:07:14 AM): I know you just want friendship, and i know it's just me...how i got or am so blown away by you, but sometimes, i just wish i could hold your hand...i don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, but just sayin
xxxxxxxxxxxxx (12:08:51 AM): :-)
xxxxxxxxxxxxx (12:09:11 AM): you can hold my hand next time i see you

Yeah, I do feel like a kid again...I'm telling you, I really did meet love, face to face.
I scored four free Angels baseball tickets with free parking at our monthly meeting at work, and I asked him to come.  Hopefully it will be me, him, my sister and my nephew.  My sister is anxious to spend time with him and get to know him...more than hi and small chit chat when we pick up my nephew Matthew to go to the movies with us.  He's trying to get his homework done to go with us =)

I hope you all had at least half the day I had, if not the same or better!


I'm a noobe...
I didn't know that when I leave an entry in someone's post and that someone replies to it, that I didn't get any notification except through email.  The email I check every day has my first and last name in it so I didn't use it for LJ.  SO, I had no clue that people were replying, and in some cases, a reply back should have been warranted....omgosh.
So now, everything from LJ is being forwarded from there to my every day email so I will know.  I am sorries...

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Weekend wrap up...
Pretty decent weekend if I must say...

B finally came back!  Damn, he was gone for 2 months and 3 weeks!  And he was so sweet...he did call me when he landed like he said he would!  It's the little things I tell you.  We were going to eat at our fav tofu place on Friday, but by the time I was done with spending some quality time with my sis, he was conked out...but I kinda figured he would be after the long trip back home.  So we made plans for Sunday which changed because Authentic had to cancel our Saturday because he had to help his sister move...they didn't ask for his help until friggin Saturday...wtf?  So me and B made plans to play some video games, watch Final Destination and have a few drinks.  Didn't see the movie...drank eight Coronas, finished my bottle of Jack Daniels, finished a bottle of Frambois and woke up in his arms this morning =)
We kissed and cuddled till morning, went home and got some sleep.

Authentic was sweet...he promised to make it up to me, and I am gonna collect!  He did something he's never done this weekend.  He is not a fan of phone calls at all.  He's dislikes phone chit chat and just makes calls to confirm stuff, or cancel like on Saturday etc...but today he just called me to say hi and to see how I was doing, and tell me about how he hurt his little toe during the moving...so cute.  I'm such a dork I know, but I don't care =)

I posted something earlier about my personal seven wonders of the modern world...
I just had to say I should have put my nephew as #1...such an amazing kid...Matthew, I love you with all my heart dude



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